This Feeling Inside
by PervertFarmer
Summary: After hearing the news from Lori, all Rick wanted to do was go die in a hole, after punching Shane's face in. But, the feeling that nagged at his heart, didn't send him into a storm of anger, but of loneliness. Why is it, that it take Shane of all people to make him realize he isn't alone? One shot! Yaoi! BL!


**it has a little bit of season 2 spoiler so beware... Oh, and I hope you enjoy!**

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Everything seemed to be slowing down around Rick as Lori's words still echoed in his mind. The words were loud and clear, so clear he could see them traveling across his mind. So why? Why couldn't he quite process them? This was what he deserved though. After all of it, the walkers, the constant fight for survival, even before it all, it seemed it wasn't enough.

"Pregnant.." he muttered absently to himself, the word sounded wrong, felt wrong on his tongue. It wasn't because she was pregnant that sickened him, but the fact that it wasn't his doing is what made his stomach churn.

As the hot rays of sun and air hit him hard, he wasn't sure what to call this feeling that stirred and grew in his chest. She thought he was dead, that's why she did it... That was the lame excuse he kept telling himself to keep from screaming. It was the thought that he at least still had Carl that kept him sane. Yet, this feeling that ran through his veins, left him lonelier than he had ever felt.

He had no idea how much time had passed as he sat there on the bench, mindlessly staring at the ground, the sound of crickets chirping deaf to his ears. The sun was already fading away when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Rick jumped at the touch, realizing he wasn't really by himself when he looked up at Glenn who looked back at him.

"Hey.. It's late, you should get some rest..." Glenn muttered softly. It took a moment for Rick to understand what he was saying, but eventually he willed himself to nod a little, slowly standing up. He didn't even spare Glenn a second glance as he slumped back to his tent, the one he shared with Lori, only she was nowhere to be seen.

He couldn't find himself to care though, the bitter thought of her in Shane's arms flooding his mind as he nestled into the covers. He felt like crying, but his body couldn't give him that luxury so he lay there in silence, letting out silent dry sobs.

It seemed like hours had gone by as Rick lay there, face buried in the pillow. The sun replaced with the moon long ago as the crickets chirped louder as if they were admant about being heard. Rick was so certain that he was alone, left with nothing but the feeling that continued to swarm in his chest. Left to wonder why he was hurting so much.

The sudden rustling of the tent flap put him on alert. Sitting up, he had his gun at the ready, heart pounding in his chest.

Shane tensed as he was met with a gun in his face, eyes looking down the bareel before flickering to Rick's face. Upon realizing it was just Shane, he lowered his gun in relief. A relief that seemed to put him at ease a little too much. Shane crawled the rest of the way into the tent, zipping the flap closed behind him before giving Rick a cautious look.

"I saw your light was still on...you okay?" He muttered, looking at him with concern. Rick was silent for a long time, his eyes trying to focus on Shane's face, but averted to the ground once more.

"That's not what you wanted to ask me.. so stop bullshitting." Rick mutrered, his voice hoarse and harsh. He shoild be angru, pissed, but all he felt was hurt, betrayal.. and thay damn feeling in his chest was throbbing in his heart now.

Shane looked at him, the unreadable look on his face as he took the gun out of Rick's hand. "I didn't mean for it to happen man... I mean.. come on, we thought you were _dead._" He breathed, his voice just a whisper. Rick shook his head at that, glaring at Shane now.

"No.. But I wasn't. I wasn't dead, Shane... Hell, for all I know.. you were waiting for a moment like that. Right? You just want to get your hands on Lor-"

"You stop right there! I never wanted Lori and you know that! Damnit Rick, it was just sex... I... She... It was all I could do.." he breathed out, staring him straight in the eye. A lump seemed to get stuck in Rick's throat, anger finally showing through.

"All you could do? Fucking my wife is all you could do!?" He snapped, his hands finding their way to Shane's collar, roughly shaking him. "You son of a bitch.." he grounded out.

Shane grabbed Rick's wrist, adding a painfup pressure, but Rick refused to let go. Somehow, through all the anger, he pushed Shane onto his back, straddling him as his hands moving to his throat.

Shane's eyes widened as he felt Rick's fingers wrap around his throat, tightening at his throat. He was trying to kill him. He kicked and thrashed under him, Rick's name on his lips, but just as the pressure was there, it was gone.

Rick's fingers loosened on his throat, the anger evaporating as that feeling swarmed even more in his chest as he looked at Shane's face.

Shane's eyea widened even more, surprise evident on his face as he watched the tears spill from Rick's eyes, sobs racking his body as his hands lay lipm against his throat.

"I hate you. I hate you _so _much..." he breathed, vision becoming blurred as he cried even more, tears landing on Shane's cheek. He was quiet as he watched his friend cry, his hand loosely holding his wrist.

"No. No you don't." He mumbled, reaching up, bringing a thumb to wipe away a stray tear. Rick jolted at the sudden touch, a mixture of confusion and hurt on his face. His body didn't dare move as Shane suddenly traced his lips, fingers running along his jawline as he looked intently at Rick with a look so intense, Rick felt lost in it.

He had no clue what was happening, couldn't process it as Shane propped himself up on his forearms, a hand glued to Rick's hip.

"I do..I hate..you.." He breathed, voice shaky and frail as he looked at Shane woth a look of uncertainty. He was terrified. Scared of what was happening right now, but he couldn't move, his body refused to work as Shane leaned up, a hand slipping to the back of Rick's neck.

In that very moment, things seemed to be excruciatingly slow as Shane guided his lips to Rick's. It was soft and light, yet the mere sensation of Shane's lips against his own made Rick shudder in pleasure. As soon as it happened, it ended just as fast. Shane pulled away, a glazed look in his eye.

"Don't..." Rick breathed out just as Shane's hand began to venture under his shirt. Shane paused at that, giving him a questioning gaze.

Rick simply shook his head, movkng to get off of Shane, but Shane wasn't having it  
Gtabbing his wrist tightly, he pulled him back on top of him.

"No.. don't fight it.. don't fight this.." Shane breathed as Rick struggled weakly. He couldn't look at Shane, found it hard to focus on anything as he felt his hands running under his shirt, but he didn't move. He said nothing as he felt Shane's fingers trace across his abdomen, running up to his chest. A surprised gasp left his mouth as he suddenly felt Shane pinch his nippled hard.

Shane smirked a little, seeing the red tint that grew on Rick's cheeks. The way his breathing became harder as he started to roll his hips up into Rick made him want to do more. Just one moan, that's all he needed to hear from Rick.

"Ah..." Rick couldn't stop the moan that left his mouth as Shane rolled his hips up into him, his other hand running over his crotch, teasingly gripping the growing erection there. Why was this happening? Why was he getting hard? Why was this all turning him on?

"I'm not gay.." Rick breathed suddenly, his hands finding there way to the front of Shane's shirt. Shane stopped, looking at Rick for a moment. Suddenly, he pulled him down, their bodies pressed together as he kissed him once more, his tongue shoving it's way into his mouth, lips pressed hard against his.

Pulling away, breathing heavily, he looked at a disheveled Rick. "Me neither.." he muttered, flipping rhe over so that he was setrled between Rick's legs, pressing his crotch against his, slowly grinding against him, his dick already hardening at the sight of Rick, his red lips parted as he breathed heavily. Shane ran a hand through Rick's hair, tugging at it as rutted against his cock through layers of clothing.

"Fuck...Shane.." Rick moaned out, arching his back as Shane kissed down his neck, pushing up his shirt, tongue flicking against his hard nipple. Rick couldn't take it anymore. He tugged and pulled off Shane's shirt, hurriedly undoing his pants.

"So impatient." Shane breathed, pulling away to kick off his pants, Rick doing the same. Rick didn't care how impatient he was being. He needed this, he needed Shane inside him _now, _all confusion and uncertainty fading in that very moment.

That look. That look of pure need that Rick gave him, undid a knot his chest. He pounced on Rick, attacking his lips hungrily as his hands ran down his chest to his waist, gripping his member so hard, Rick couldn't keep from crying out, his body arching into Shane's rough touches. He started to give Rick's rock hard dick, long, rough strokes, his grip squeezing at the base as he bit harshly at his bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth a little, coaxing a string of moans out of Rick.

It was like his whole body was on fire, throbbing with every touch of Shane's fingers on his skin, he couldn't take it. His breathing was coming in heavy, short pants as Shane looked at him intently, jerking him off at a fast pace.

"Please.." Rick whined out, licking his lips. Shane pressed his thumb hard into the slit of Rick's dick, giving him a knowing look.

"Please what? Tell me." He muttered, giving his cock a squeeze that sent shivers down Rick's spine.

"Fuck me! Please just fuck me already!" He cried out, his hands gripping Shane's arm tightly. Hearing that desperate voice cry out to him made Shane's dick twitch in excitement. He suddenly let go of Rick's throbbing cock, precum leaking heavily, running down the head of his cock to the base. He gripped Rick's hips tightly, forcing him to flip over onto his stomach, making him get on all fours.

"This is what you want?" Shane growled, rubbing the tip of his cock against Rick's asshole, spreading his ass cheeks apart, gazing at the beautiful ring of muscle there, watching it twitch every time her rutted his cock against it, the head barely prodding into his tight hole, just enough to stretch him open. Rick shuddered in pleasure, swaying his hips eagerly, grinding his ass against Shane's cock. He had never done this before, he hadn't even kissed a an before this, yet as he felt Shane's cock against him, feeling the width of it, he didn't feel scared or antsy, all he could think was how bad he wanted it in him.

"Yes... Give it to me.." He breathed, his voice husky and low as he continued to rut his ass against Shane's thick cock. Everything went quiet, only their heavy breathing filling the air as time went by and Rick had yet to feel Shane's dick inside of him. He opened his mouth to complain and beg some more, but the only thing that came out was a strained groan as Shane suddenly pushed his way into Rick's tight hole.

"Ah...I...I.." Rick gasped out, his voice strained as he felt Shane's thick cock stretch him open, pushing deeper inside, his asshole throbbed in both pleasure and pain, but as Shane pushed deeper inside, tears begin to pool at the corner of his eyes, fist balled in the sheets as he buried his face in them. Shane hiss in pleasure. He could feel Rick's walls throb and squeeze around him, practically pulling him deeper in.

He wanted nothing more than to shove farther into the deep warmth of his ass, his cock twitching inside of him as he wrapped an arm around Rick's waist, pressing his chest against his back as he pushed all the way into his tight asshole, balls deep inside of him. He could hear that pained gasp Rick gave out, the way his body was tense, trembling underneath him, but that wasn't going to stop him from fucking his ass raw.

As selfish as he was being, he couldn't hold back. Rick's ass felt incredible around him, the heat unbearable yet bearable all at the same time.

"Breathe.." Shane muttered. It was the only thing he offered before suddenly pulling back, his cock slowly sliding out of Rick's tight asshole, leaving only the tip in before shoving his cock back into him. Rick let out a strained moan at that, tears finally spilling as he tried to breath, trying to match Shane's rhythm as he continued to ram his cock in and out of him. His toes curled as Shane pounded deeper into him, the pain slowly fading, pleasure clouding his eyes as his breathing came in short, heavy pants.

Shane watched with a fixated gaze as he cock slid in and out of Rick's ass, hands griping Rick's hips tightly, forcing him to meet his thrust, his ass shaking with every thrust. He found it incredibly hot, the way his asshole was spread around his cock, how vulnerable Rick was like this. This wasn't just sex for him. This was him, claiming his property. Wether Rick liked it or not, Shane was going to make him his.

He suddenly stopped working his cock in and out of Rick, looking at him back with small smirk, his hand sliding over his ass, reading them apart to get a better view as he spoke. "Work your ass on my dick." He said, no commanded. Rick's face reddened at that, his body tensing, walls squeezing around Shane's dick in response. His words were clear and straightforward, yet Rick hesitated as he propped himself up on his arms, craning his neck to look at Shane as if to ask if that's what he really wants. When all he got was a grin in response, seductive eyes gazing at him, Rick shuddered slightly. He re fixed his gaze ahead of him, eye squeezing closed as he slowly started to moved his hips. Working his ass on Shane's cock.

Shane moaned in pleasure, watching as Rick's ass bounced on his cock, biting his lip hard as the air was filled with the sound of his balls hitting flush against Rick's ass. He spread his ass farther apart, giving it a hard squeeze that brought a moan to Rick's lips as he worked himself fast on Shane's cock.

A warm, buzzing sensation caused Shane's toes to curl. He suddenly gripped Rick's cock, giving it hard strokes once again as he took control, unable to hold back anymore as he pounded into Rick. Driving deeper into him, his cock brushing against the bundle of nerves deep inside of his ass, Rick sucked in a rush of air, pleasure assaulting every inch of his body, causing him to tremble.

"Fuck..." He cried out in a quiet, strained voice as he came into Shane's hand, cum coating the man's fingers. Shane didn't stop though, he needed to reach his own orgasm. Pounding harder in and out of him, Shane, brought his cum covered fingers to Rick's mouth, forcing his fingers into his mout, making him taste himself. Rick moaned around his fingers, tongue eagerly licking his fingers clean, tasting himself.

Feeling Rick's hot, wet tongue sucking at his fingers, Shane moaned in pleasure, his grip tightening on Rick's waist as he pounded into him for the last time, his cock draining itself into Rick's tight hole. Rick shuddered at the sensation of Shane's semen filling him to the brim, a moan escaping his lips. Slowly, Shane pulled out of him only to shove two of his fingers inside of Rick's abused hole, stretching pink asshole open as cum began to ooze out of him, slowly running to the rim of his asshole, dripping into Shane's palm, catching every last drop as Rick lay there, his ass propped up in the air.

Shane pulled Rick to his knees, pulling him closer only to make him lick the cum from his hand once more. Rick complied without complaint, running his tongue, flat against Shane's palm, licking up the cum there as if he had down this many times before. Swirling the white substance around in his mouth with his tongue, he looked at Shane as he swallowed it, getting a groan from Shane as he was pulled in for a kiss.

He shuddered as Shane ran his tongue across his lip before shoving his way into his mouth, tasting the sweet, saltiness of himself on Rick's tongue. Pulling away in need of air, they stared quietly at eachother, Rick unsure of where to go from here as the realization of what just happened begin to find it's way to his brain. Shane could see the wheels turning in his head. He wanted this to last just a little bit longer, before they'd have to go back to being whatever the hell they were before this.

Shane pulled Rick into his arms, holding him close to his chest. For a moment, Rick was tense, but he slowly begin to melt into the embrace, thoughts running through his mind. He had just cheated on Lori with not just a man, but the man she herself cheated with. But as he felt Shane's arms wrap tighter around him, all he felt was a security, a longing that had finally come to an end.

It wasn't anger or betrayal he felt from Lori. But betrayal he felt from Shane, it was Shane he felt had truly done the cheating. It was jealousy he truly felt this whole time. Lori had gotten something he had wanted for a long time, and it was the thought of never having Shane that truly upset him. But, sitting here now, finally having something he unknowingly wanted for a long time, that feeling of jealousy and betrayal tht had swarmed in his chest, finally faded. He was unclear of what would happened after this, but in this moment, he had no concern of the baby or the walkers, none of it. He was just happy he finally fucking knew what all the was about going on in his heart.


End file.
